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Natural Awakenings Lehigh Valley

My Thoughts For the Month

May 01, 2022 09:10PM ● By Dr. Rodger

An example of taking control of your life and making it better.

John stared at the heart monitor, listening to it beep. The doctors said they had lost him for a few minutes. John didn’t feel as lost as he did before.  He had seen the light. Alone in his hospital room, John stared at the phone, wondering if it was fair to call Monica now.  From what the doctors said he might have only five years to live.  He hadn’t meant to hurt Monica when he refused to commit.  After eighteen years of marriage, working hard to support his wife, she had filed for divorce. “I need to find myself,” she had said. “Besides, all you do is work.” He had asked her, “Is this what you really want?” When she said “yes,” he just left.  He kept smiling, being people’s best friend.  But it had really hurt. 

Monica was unassuming, patient, kind. But he knew she wanted more from him than he was able to give.  She had put up with him for a while, giving him a long string.  Finally, she had set him down. “You either commit to me, or I’m gone she said.  Well, it wasn’t the first time he had been left. Better to get the pain over with now.  At least it gave him some control.  He tried to sit up.  The monitor started beeping more loudly.  He lay back down. Picked up the phone.  The hardest thing to admit was that he needed Monica in his life.  He told her what happened, that he had had a heart attack.  Monica came to visit.  He said he wanted to see her again.  This time he was ready to commit.  She looked at him. He looked at her.  I don’t believe you she said. “You’re just being needy because you’re sick”  A few weeks later, John got out of the hospital.  He made a few changes in his diet, then started calling Monica again.  She said she appreciated his calls, was glad he was feeling better, but no, she wasn’t willing to be hurt again.  John rang her doorbell the following week. He handed her the gift box. She opened it. Looked at what was inside. A diamond ring.  

I love you, “John said. Please…let’s give us a chance”.

They were married two months later in a quiet ceremony.  Monica had flowers in her hair; John wore a new suit.  She cried when they said, “I do.” John’s days became filled with life and love. He and Monica took vacations. Sometimes they sat home and watched television did the ordinary things. The doctor was wrong. John didn’t have five years. He was given three.  He died suddenly, while Monica was in the kitchen fixing dinner one night. Monica walked into the living room to tell John it was time to eat. He was gone. 

“His near-death experience made him a different man, “Monica said. “All the little things that used to upset and irritate him so much didn’t bother him anymore.  We were so happy.  But it was worth it—even though losing him really hurts.” 

John isn’t around to finish his story, but he’d probably say going into the unknown and choosing to love, even though love could hurt him—was a good call.  Seeing the light made him realize that not loving could hurt him more than loving could. 

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.”